The Tear That Refused To Fall

It was not a problem. So there was not a solution for it to be found.

Just a few questions to be answered. I questioned. But he refused to answer.

May be there was something wrong with me, after all. For, I questioned everything.
"Where is god?"
"Why do we have to 'fall' in love?"
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

I asked a lot of questions. And people answered me. Such that I always kept asking more questions. I was never satisfied. Then I gave up people. I found out answers for myself. And I was now satisfied.

Then something felt wet. It was my eyes. A tear. My common sense said that yes, it would come down. It had to. So I waited for it to flow. Waiting for it to flow seemed like an eternity. As if the tear was suspended in a vertical horizon, trapped in the time zones of different worlds. Or may be it happens to people who never cry.
That one tear seemed strange. It didn't come out of the eyes easily.

I waited and waited.

Seemed like it had fallen in love with my eyes. It refused to leave. Or may be it sensed that I was lonely, and I would appreciate some company apart from my own shadow's, and some voices hitting my ear drums. But no. It was not in love with my eye, nor did it care for my loneliness, for, at that very moment it left my eye. The diamond no longer shone in my eye. I had lost something.

There were so many worlds in that single droplet of tear.
Amazing.
One tiny drop of water.
Infinite pains, infinite voices.
Things, people, events could be so simple. And so complicated too. Depends on how much your imagination was willing to forgive you.
My worlds.
Seen, unseen. Some conquered, some still virgin.

His presence.
His existence.
An ocean of waiting. And I was swimming there.

Would I drown? Would some one come to my rescue? Or would I give up and shout for help? Would I conquer the horizon?

Oh, the wetness I could feel in that one drop of tear! The conflict of real, and the unreal. Dreams. Ground reality. Night. Day. Sunrises. Dusks. Twilights. Yes, I love the twilights. Best of both the worlds- moon and the sun.
Faith. Betrayal.
Darkest Sky. Endless Night.
Shining ray.
Rapture.
Helplessness.

It seemed like eternity. And I waited.
I would wait.

I dont think I am in love. I was always in love with my life. Passion flowed in my veins instead of blood. Coffee, too. This was above love.

I asked people if it was possible to live life with that one spark that someone has gifted to you? Or should you go ahead and catch that spark and make it yours- forever- body and soul?
"If there are more sparks, I would marry that person."
"Not necessarily. You would want him to be around. Always."

They shrugged.

I should not have asked this question. But then I always asked questions.
Bad habit.
May be a virus had entered my system. But I dont want it leave.

But what exactly was the problem? There was none. And nor am I looking for a solution. Am just flowing with the rhythm. Music never sounded so sweet before.

I would live the spark.

Love is not a one way street. It runs both the ways.

I will dream and smile, as Eurythmics sang:
"Who couldn't be together and who could not be apart(...)"

[January 2006]